a solar system that fits in your eye

spent all morning trying not to think about the sex... and don't even ask because i'm not going to tell you. just know that it was terrible, although i wouldn't admit it to myself at the time (sigh) how do i always get myself into these messes?

in other news, searched for and found tickets to THAT PLACE. you know where it is. i told you i was going. so that'll be a week... now i've just got to find a way to use up the rest of my summer. i can't stay here. i'm suffocating, really. and everywhere i go i'm reminded of him. i don't want to see this sad little town anymore, i don't want to wake up in my little claustrophobic room every morning, i don't want to base my existence around shaw's, i want to be able to go to a mall without seeing half of my graduating class and having to explain to them why i'm not in college yet. if i stay here any longer i'm sure i'll implode. people who graduate from douglas go to college for a year and then drop out, then spend the rest of their lives working for the douglas highway department, or at the ice cream store at Roland's, or at the waterslides. i don't want to be a townie. i want to be someplace where no one knows my name. i want to be ANONYMOUS, a shadow, unnoticed. i want to fade into the background. i want friends, of course, but i want to build my own world. that does no include having my breakups make the front page of the local paper. i want a snug little place where i can retreat and relax, and be happy.

and if i have to travel the country, the world, in order to find it? well i'm ok with that. i shouldn't have to sacrifice my happiness for convenience anymore.

he said i'm going places. i believe him.

...

have to go switch some money around at the bank and then those tickets are MINE!!!

- Red Hot Chili Peppers "Parallel Universe" -