she swears that soon she'll be coming back forever

so Mr. Regular Army and i finally finished the first season of Veronica Mars... which ended on a cliff hanger, of course. and the next season doesn't start until the 28th. bitches... two whole weeks away... they're gonna be tough.

...

there's a cat sleeping behind the computer monitor as i'm typing this. fucking adorable. :)

...

i remember this commercial i saw a few years ago about getting tested for AIDS and shit... actually, it might have been a Herpicin commercial, now that i think of it. but anyways, in the commercial, the infected people were all walking around with bright yellow shirts on that said HERPES or something on the front in big black letters, their disease known to everyone who looked at them. and the point of the commercial was, "wouldn't it be nice if it were this easy?" or something like that, i'm paraphrasing as usual. i might even have the commercial all wrong, but the POINT is that it got me thinking (just the other day, so many years after i saw this commercial), i wish there were shirts for EVERY infection, especially mental ones. don't you think that would be a good idea?

you can see it if you try, big black letters on yellow:

I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN THE CONVERSATION, I JUST WANT TO FUCK YOU AND THEN NEVER CALL YOU AGAIN.

or

AS SOON AS YOU'RE GONE FOR MORE THAN A WEEK, I WILL CHEAT ON YOU WITH A GIRL I JUST MET AND THEN MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH HER AND NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN.

or

I'M A SLUT AND I'M IRRESPONSIBLE AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH ANYTHING AND EVENTUALLY I WILL FUCK YOU ON THE RENT AND THEN ONCE YOU'VE LOST INTEREST IN ME WILL I FINALLY DECIDE TO ACT LIKE A BOYFRIEND.

or

I AM INCAPABLE OF MAKING DECISIONS FOR MYSELF AND WILL TAKE ALL MY AGGRAVATION OUT ON YOU AND THEN SHRUG IT OFF BY SAYING, "THIS IS HOW I'M GONNA BE."

why don't you pick out your fucking shirt.

i think i deserved some sort of warning for the unacceptable behavior i was subjected to. FUCK YOU. fuck you if you've ever done anything other than be a good person to me. fuck you if you've ever hurt me by not telling me something or by telling me something that wasn't true or by NOT SAYING ANYTHING AT ALL. fuck you for hurting my feelings or making me wait or letting me believe in a life i didn't have. bad shit happens, BIG FUCKING DEAL. that does NOT give you the right to use me as your personal punching bag, as if my life has been all cotton candy and starry eyes and hand holding. maybe if you've been here all along you'd understand all the shit i've been put through.

and it's long like i can talk to you about it now. i don't want the lectures and i don't want you getting all condescending every time i bring up a mistake i've made. fuck you for not listening and understanding. or at least trying to.

and that's all ok, right? cause everyone has a right to be angry and everyone has a right to just fly off the handle and say a bunch of shit they might consider apologizing for later on. so no harm, no foul?

that's what i fucking thought.

...

(sigh)

and the search for tickets continues.

"on the other side of town a boy is waiting,

with fiery eyes and dreams no one could steal.

she drives on through the night anticipating

cause he makes her feel the way she used to feel..."

- Eagles "Lyin' Eyes" -