i'm hurting. this is not easy for me... my heart has been stepped on too much, i'm so sick of crying, so sick of being lonely. i always feel like i'm the only thing holding all of this together, and that can apply to a number of situations. i hate to feel like i'm the only one who really cares. i try and try and try, at the expense of my own happiness, to ensure the happiness of others. (CF) told me the other night at the airport that i can't always try to take care of everyone all the time. when he said it i was already angry, but now i kind of understand.
still, what can i do? i know what i want and i don't know how else to go about getting it. give up and never know what could have been? for surely i can't rely on the other to keep things together. someone knows what i'm talking about. it may not be what you think. i can explain when i talk to you.
i keep checking my mail by the way. i want to know what i should do now. i'll need to get some money set aside... but i will make this happen. i've waited so long for this to happen, i won't lose the chance because i don't have the funds.
also, i have a date of sorts tonight.
"spare me just three last words,
'i love you' is all she heard.
i'll wait for you, but i can't wait forever..."
- Hawthorne Heights "Ohio is for Lovers" -