15 June 2005

you're so polite indeed... well I've got everything I need

i think i know the definition of soul mate.

that one person... and in time past, miles apart, lives changed... that one person is still there. a TRUE promise, a promise to never give up... so long and i still mean it. i've never seen someone look at me the way you do, no one has ever made me feel so loved. i've never trusted someone so completely. it's always bee more easy to hate you... but i don't... i understand and i will continue to wait. just passing the time, everyone else has just been a filler to make it go by a little quicker.

i know this all came out of nowhere.

and yeah, it's cliche, but i never meant for all of this to happen... i don't regret one second of it. i saw you and you spoke and i KNEW. it was so hard to concentrate on those stupid lessons... i was overcome by the urge to learn how to juggle... sometimes i drink arizona green tea... and peel off the label like you always do... and i never would have have tried sushi... i loved the swampy car... loved the bobble head on the dash... loved those broken shoes... and your desert cammies... loved watching you play... love hearing you sing... love the late night conversations and the inside jokes and loved knowing you felt the same way i did.

i never meant it when i said i'd do anything for someone.

sure, i've compromised here and there for whomever, giving up little stupid things, choosing to just hide the rest... but i have never been more serious. i'd leave everything. this feeling is one i can't walk away from. i may never get the opportunity to have pure and complete happiness. you make me that happy. you make me want to stop doing all the things to myself and other people that have caused so many problems in my life. you make the drama go away. i don't have to question myself with you.

i want to be able to say these things to you instead of type them and let them be. i want you to understand exactly how i feel... i want to know what you want me to do. and i know you have no answers. but you can't just keep waiting and seeing... you just keep waiting and seeing and then maybe you'll never have to make any decisions, because everyone will just make them for you you. you can't do that. you have to make them yourself.

i sound like a little kid. i've lost all my eloquence. there are no words to dress this up and make it make more sense. i don't understand either. i still can't wrap my head around all that has happened, and how my feelings HAVE NOT CHANGED. you should have faded away by now... it's really something that you haven't.

so i guess i can't tell you what a soul mate is. this has been a very poor definition. i'm sorry. i miss... everything.

- Red Hot Chili Peppers "Soul To Squeeze" -

No comments: