11 October 2005

the silence in black and white falling forward as she walks toward the light

...so it's done.

and we cried and cried and held each other and cried some more... but it's done.

we were laying on his bed and i was crying and he rolled over and said, "hey, calm down, i'm not breaking up with you right now." and i said, "i know. i'm breaking up with you."

he kind of sucked in a breath.

he asked me if it was really what i wanted to do, if i understood that now there's no going back to us... and i said yes, and he hung his head but didn't beg me to change my mind. he pulled me into his lap and told me again and again how much he loves me and how he really knew this had to happen. he apologized for ever letting shit get fucked up, and told me how he wished we could have been good from the start. he wiped my tears on his sleeve and stroked my head and cried and cried. he wanted me to stay the afternoon so we could talk but i told him i couldn't, and he understood. my god, i love him, i really do... we just can't keep doing this to ourselves. we just can't be together anymore... and if i didn't do it, it was only a matter of time before he did. i want to be happy again, i want him to be happy. we cried but there were no hard feelings. when i left we were both still crying, neither of us wanted to let go... but we did. he kissed me goodbye and hugged me tightly and then stepped back so i could go.

it was the best breakup i could have ever hoped for.


i think i need some time to myself now.

- Hawthorne Heights "Niki FM" -

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