14 October 2005

and we could talk about forever for a day or two

oh fuck yes.

so ok, this has been an insanely crazy fucked up ride. these past three weeks have whipped by and i'm still out of breath from the race to keep up. i just don't know what to do with myself anymore. i'm crazy happy... and yet a part of me still gets defensive over that. i shouldn't have to justify my friggin happiness, you know? no one has to understand but me, and for a good part of it i don't. and that's ok. it matters not what i'm doing, or where i'm going, it's the people i'm spending time with that make the difference, and those people i wouldn't trade for the world. in such a short time i feel a lot more like family than i have in a long long time. and this time, it's all me, i'm not "Rico's girlfriend," just an accessory for his ego. these people hang out with me for me.. and that means more to me that you can imagine. i've done so much in the past few weeks that i wouldn't for anyone else... and i fucking love it. i can't friggin wait for halloween, no drama this time!

in fact, no more drama ever! Tree makes me feel so incredibly happy, the things that he does for me and the way he looks at me and what he says to me. i've never met anyone so willing to give so much of themselves to someone they don't even really know. he's just plain amazing... don't know what else to say. don't know what the future holds. but i'm happy with the way things are and are going... ;)

Nibbey ; you are the bestest friend i could ever hope for, and i'm so happy that everything is ok with us again. and to think, you started off as a friend of a friend... now you're the closest friend i have. i wouldn't have wanted to have miscarriages and bloody socks with anyone but you (haha). thanks again for everything, for still being there when i need to vent and for always offering a shoulder to cry on. i laugh so much with you it makes me want to puke. it might not sound like it, but that's a good thing. :)

and i still miss CF, i really, really do. i can't listen to country songs without thinking of him, and i had to take all the pictures down and put all his clothes away. i drove around for a couple days with a picture of the two of us on my dashboard, but now it just makes me too sad.

"so before you go and turn me on
be sure that you can turn me loose"

- Dierks Bentley "Lot of Leaving Left to Do" -

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