04 November 2008

my salsa makes all the pretty girls want to dance

A long departure from my entries, but I'll offer this cocktail as an explanation: one part not-enough-hours-in-the-day, one part remarkable-exhaustion, one part lack-of-inspiration. Add a splash of limited-computer-access. Serve over ice.

Things that currently have my attention (in no particular order, except the first one):

1. The election. Namely, the self-loathing associated with not being able to travel back to Massachusetts and vote. Why didn't I send away for an absentee ballot? Because I'm an idiot. It's pretty obvious which candidate I support, but that's not really the point. Today is a crazy-huge important day, and I can't participate in this life-changing event. 'Angry' and 'disappointed' don't even come close.

2. My career. The E6 list comes out in the spring, but will it even matter? Still appears to be a problem finding a slot... going to have to shop around to other states when the time comes. But I think I have problems getting my unit to help me out NOW, when I've known them all 6 years of my career and fucking deployed with them? How will it be being the Fucking New Guy in some other state, a name on a piece of paper, an abstract Soldier in distant New Jersey? Unless I transfer to the NJ National Guard and promise to drill with them, which I don't have to do and don't currently do. Sacrifices will be made no matter what I decide to do, oh yes.

3. New house! I will post photos on my MySpace as soon as we're done unpacking and tidying up, but WOW, I can't even describe how much I love the place. It's on a fucking LAKE. How can you beat that? It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

4. Iraq. If everything goes as planned, Josh will be deploying in the spring, and fuck, I'm kind of jealous. Scared for him, sad about being apart (again), but yes, jealous. And - this could really be a whole entry by itself - I know that I need to go back. I can't get that place out from under my skin. I want to go bathe myself in dirty sweat and coat my lungs with dust. I miss the smell of burning and how the heat makes the skin on my face feel like paper. I miss feeling like I was making a difference.

5. Volunteering. This doesn't sound like me, even to me, but I found a project that I believe in and want to help out with. Rebuilding Together is a non-profit organization that rehabilitates the homes of low-income families. One of the NJ chapters has a program specifically for veterens who are in need of assistance, and they are looking for other veterens to help with the rebuilding. I think I'm going to offer to help. I guess it goes along with the not-feeling-like-I've-done-enough (in Iraq and at home) and the feeling-of-uselessness-here-in-NJ. I want to feel like what I do matters, and I want to see someone's life get better. Doesn't mean this will be a substitute for a deployment, though.

6. Summer to Autumn to Winter to Spring. Seasons! How novel! Love it.

7. The Office. I am pretty much hopelessly addicted to this show (the US version) and can't even tell you how unhealth-ily I quote the characters, reference scenes, contemplate putting my LT's stapler in jello, want to marry Jim... (ahem) Also important to me this season is the old standby, House. He's so deliciously sinister... and those dreamy eyes...

Now. Hope that has left you as satisfied as I feel at this moment. It's November in New Jersey, 55 degrees, breezy, leaves all over the ground. My LT is out of the office and I'm going home early to paint the trim in my great room. I have a great room! Who could have seen this coming?

"and by now, the rest of the fellas get jealous,
especially when I drop the beat and do my acapellas"

- Eminem "My Band" -

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