02 September 2005

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words...

an hour on the phone last night and i remembered why i wanted it in the first place. i mean, i guess it's normal to wonder, after so long, after NOTHING for so long... i'm not saying i doubted it, i was just worried that the feeling wasn't mutual. and i was scared to think i was holding on for the sake of holding on... cause this is what's keeping me going, and what if i was just waiting simply because i needed something to hope for? don't think that thought didn't cross my mind. but last night made me feel better, and he didn't want to get off the phone. went to sleep feeling lonely, but more complete.

it's just that he makes me crazy, i still can't stop thinking about him. Regular Army Man always finds some way to pick apart everyone i've ever dated, had a crush on, slept with, thought about maybe talking to, looked at for more than a few seconds (and so forth)... and still, my V.I.P is the only one i'll ever defend. ...that sounds kinda shitty. does it? but when you consider the calibur of men i usually end up with... i dunno. i suck at explaining things like this. what i mean to say is he's the most amazing person i've ever met... i want to be a good person again. and he makes me forget all the shit that's happened to me since i last saw him, cause none of it even matters. it hurt real bad but it was nothing, i was just passing the time. and i could walk away right now with no hard feelings. i could walk away right now without thinking twice. i really want this, i really want it all to work out the way i've been praying it will. this is all i really want for me. that time, for those few months... i've never been so happy in my life.

there are so many ways i could say, "he's the only guy who..." so i'll just say this: he's the only guy.

so consider this my "preemptive strike."

"so excuse me forgetting but these things i do
you see i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
anyway, the thing is, what i really mean,
yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen"

- Elton John "Your Song" -

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