27 May 2009

sometimes I'm right, and I can be wrong

The nail protein I bought made my nails fucking beautiful. I'm getting a haircut next week (shhh, it's a secret!) that will be gorgeous. My skin is pretty clear. The eczema on my leg finally healed. I mastered tweezing my own eyebrows. I found a lip gloss that actually looks good on me. I redecorated the dining room (flashy and fashionable) and picked out the patio furniture (serene and comfy). Our cats love me and my Class A skirt fits. I'm good at things.

After seeing it referenced in like eleventy billion places (gossip blogs to CNN to People), I gave into the hype and watched the encore showing of the season 5 premier of Jon and Kate Plus 8 on TLC. And it was actually pretty interesting. I kept waiting for the moment where I realize she's the ├╝bercunt everyone thinks she is. It never came. Everyone hates Kate (seriously, Google her and take a look) but I think she's, well - stressed, angry, breezy but scared, driven, strong but bitchy. 

I think Kate is me. :|

My toe is still broken (or something) and now my right arm is fucked up. I pinched a nerve (or something) and I can't fold it up to my chest (as if I were doing curls with a free weight) without causing a spasm and a sharp, electric pain in my forearm.

I got into a huge fight with Tree last night over stupid, stupid shit. I was so angry over, seriously, nothing, and he was just whiny and intolerable. I hate his fucking XBox. He did nothing but play Call of Duty until he had to go to work. I sent him pissy texts all afternoon and then didn't answer the phone when he called. He had to work until 10 and I went to bed before him and made him sleep in the spare room. 

I'm just a normal fucking person and I happen to have great nails and my porch is awesome and so what? Nothing will ever be perfect. Some days are going to suck. I'm going to sometimes make mistakes and screw up and that's ok. I need to stop feeling like I'm not living up to my own life's hype. I'm not perfect. I'm just a regular person trying to navigate through this experience, doing the best I can, one moment at a time.

"the butcher, the baker, the drummer and then -
makes no difference what group I'm in"

- Sly and the Family Stone "Everyday People" -

2 comments:

Meg said...

SWEET! Self realization is the nectar of the gods isn't it?

I have that realization about three times every four months and it is the be moment.

Malibu Niki said...

It feels pretty good. Maybe I should write it down and hang it up someplace do I don't forget. :/