12 August 2009

it's sleeping in my memory

I'm feeling very overwhelmed today. Things were going great and then in the last week it all got fucked up.

I'm going to set aside, for the moment, the never ending nightmare that is my job. The CPT is never going to change; she'll be the worst boss/officer in existence right to my last day of orders. 353 days to go...

An ongoing issue at the back of my mind has been my parents' financial situation. Yoshi told me today they are behind on nearly everything and are now close to having the electricity shut off. It fucking kills me. My dad has his own construction business, and as home-buying slowed with the economy, so did building and renovations. What makes me so angry is that their situation is not their fault - they have not been irresponsible, they don't live beyond their means, they have not accumulated a ton of credit card debt, haven't spent lavishly on vacations or cars or anything. My dad just goes to work every day, pays his workers fairly, and my mother keeps the company books along with a part-time job. They are honest, salt-of-the-earth people who could not deserve less the situation they are in. But people aren't building much, and some jobs he'd started are now in limbo as the buyers ran out of cash. They are owed a good amount of money, but how can you tell that to the collection agency? And very few new jobs are coming in.

My dad asked Yoshi and I to fill out online applications for him to Home Depot, Lowes, etc because he's not good them and always gets frustrated. He's put his truck and motorcycle on Craigslist; it's the motorcycle that really hurts - it's such a big part of him. He's president of the Band of Brothers (Central Mass) Chapter of the Nam Knights. What does that mean for him if his motorcycle is gone?

I haven't talked to Tree, but I want to and am going to help. I know my parents won't take money from me, so I have to stick to bills that don't require me having to answer a lot of questions. I tried to pay their electric bill, but the company won't take payments over the phone, and I can't send a check without the account number. So I called the lumber company I know they have an overdue account at (almost $1100 I learned today) and paid $400. After I get paid this weekend I'm going to pay the rest. I don't know what I am going to say once my mother (who keeps impeccable books) realizes there is an unexplained payment. Hopefully she'll understand and just not say anything to my dad. Sometimes you do what you have to do, to take care of your family. I don't think I'm going to say anything to Tree, either.

There is another thing, but it's not really my story to tell. Perhaps I will be able to elaborate more later, but for now all I will say is that I love my sister and niece and would do anything to help them.

Then I found out today that the owners of my house, my big beautiful house, won't sell it for less than they paid - about $50,000 more than the house is currently worth. Our lease is up at the end of October and it makes me literally sick to my stomach to think of all the work we're going to have to do from now to then. Tree told the realtor we aren't interested in overpaying like a motherfucker, so she's going to look for other houses in the area. But shit - this place is fucking amazing, even with the work it needs. And we talked so much about plans for the garden next year, renovating different parts of the house, what our end vision for the place is... I just hope we can find something else, lakefront, so I don't regret losing this house for the rest of my life. We have put so much time and love into the house and yard already - we just planted 7 blueberry bushes like a week ago! I suppose that serves us right for getting attached to a house that wasn't ours, but fuck... I love this place so much I'm starting to cry over it again.

So in light of everything, maybe Tree and I should go back home? Gee, that's some timing, considering I just quit my GS job in MA and transferred into the New Jersey National Guard last Friday. Everything is awesome, right?

"and a rock feels no pain
and an island never cries"

- Simon and Garfunkel "I Am A Rock" -


bodoba said...

I'm so sorry your folks are troubling. This economy is terrible, all these bad things and hard times are happening to good honest people.

I was lucky enough to know my parents bank acct # so i could always just transfer whatever I could when they were in trouble. My mom would get pissed at me for a few day but wouldn't say anything about it. I hope things pick up soon.

Angel said...

Oh Kitten...I'm so sorry about what your parents are going through...is it NStar? They've taken payments over the phone from me before...

As for the house...if the owners think they're EVER going to get the same amount they paid for it, they're insane. They won't renew the rental?

Email me at my charter email - I've been on leave all week so if you emailed me at the VA...I didn;t get it yet :(

Meg said...

Im sorry to hear that... It is very difficult to watch people you love struggle with money. My step dad is in construction and is going through almost same thing right now.

Have someone scope out the house for the bills... If they can get you the stubs then you can pay them...

It makes me feel guilty that I have a stable job that doesn't really rely on the seasons or economy to get paid and my family doesn't have the same luxury.

Does he do finish work?

Malibu Niki said...


Thanks, I hope so too...


No, National Grid. When I called, they said they are unable to process payment via phone. And the owners would certainly renew our lease, but now I'm so angry to have to pay $1550 a month (or in other words, their entire mortgage) when they are unwilling to be reasonable. That's a lot of money to put towards someone else's house.


I feel that same guilt. My job isn't affected by anything, either. Yes, my dad does finish work, also garages and additions, windows and doors, flooring, roofing, he sets modular homes, pretty much everything construction related...