and I ain't got no worries 'cause I ain't in no hurry at all

Haven't posted in awhile - I didn't realize it, but I needed to take a break and decompress. I'm currently on leave from work (day 8 of 12) and am feeling much, much better. I don't really want to get too much into it (I always say that, don't I?) so I won't, and instead look to better things and what has been nourishing me lately.

A quick rundown (I hate these lists):

- Tree's homemade lemonade, the best lemonade I have EVER tasted

- pulling vines/weeds/yard monsters out of the trees and lawn, and envisioning what a beautiful, welcoming space we will have once we're done

- picking and eating fresh tomatoes, summer squash, zucchini, and green peppers that Tree grew in our backyard

- visiting local farm stands and buying corn, blue berries, and carrots

- planning for Halloween (some projects I plan to try are a few sinister-looking Witch Jars for out on the porch and a whimsical, kid-friendly Witch's Cauldron for the front entryway - there are a lot of small children in my neighborhood...)

- continuing the process to purchase this lovely house that Jack built (despite its issues quirks - or perhaps because of - I am head over heels for this house)

- oh! and getting ready for the superawesome summer cookout we're having at the end of August; I can't wait to have everyone I care about, together, at our home

I guess that's really it! You could say I've done a whole lot of nothing on these days off, but sometimes it's the nothing that refreshes you to take on anything.

"well, if it rains, I don't care,

don't make no difference to me"

- The Doobie Brothers "Black Water" -

anyone can see my every flaw

Time for some early-summer reflecting...

So, a new baby and a new kitten - can you guess which one was a bigger deal?

I was perhaps a bit untruthful in my previous post when I said the kitten was to comfort Tree when my niece arrived; I find the little guy is comforting me as well. I won't lie and say a part of me feels left out of all the (fun?). My mom tells me about the adorable little booties she found in the attic that Yoshi and I used to wear. Yoshi wearily repeats her future M-I-L's most recent crazy declaration ("I would never tell my child Santa didn't exist, no matter how old they were. I would tell them Santa used to exist but that now he doesn't."). But then she has to go - The Little One needs to eat/be changed. Suddenly my artful arrangement of candles on my dining room table doesn't seem so captivating.

But quite honestly, I rationally don't want kids, like, full-time, if that makes sense. Like, today, I was searching for summer craft ideas online (more on this another time) and came across all sorts of cute things to make with a child. I was looking for more adult and permanent crafts, but the felt jungle and puppet theater made me a little sad. I would like little hands to help me cut the felt or pick out fabric! And I'd like my crafts to have some use, unlike the endless "good ideas" I've had (hand painted/stamped stone magnets, my WWII service trunk, handmade notecards, you can even throw Athena's in here...) that were superexciting for all of 5 minutes.

Wow, rereading, I kind of got away from what I was trying to say in that last paragraph. What I meant was, it would be great to help a child assemble a puppet theater, watch them put on a show or two (guess I'd have to help them make puppets, too), and then have them leave my house. Oh, but that's possible now that I'm an aunt, you say? Except I live 4 (or up to 7, depending on the hellish traffic jam that is the George Washington Bridge) hours away. And yes, Tree and I have talked about moving back home to be closer to family, but I was really unhappy in Massachusetts, and I don't want all my (adult) life decisions to be based on other's people's happiness while sacrificing my own (our own?). You know? My family is (I guess?) happy in MA, and who knows, maybe someday I'll want to return, but not right now.

Kind of getting off-topic again. Fuck! Anyway, maybe I could just volunteer at a preschool or a YMCA or something. Otherwise I fear I'm going to get overwhelmed by all the cool things I'm (missing out on?). Because I honestly do feel like I'm being left behind... I'll be 24 next month and Tree will be 26 in December...

TL;DR I'm torn on the whole "having a kid" thing. Fuck.

"I don't feel the way I've ever felt,

I know

I'm gonna smile and not get worried,

I try but it shows"

- Jimmy Eat World "Pain" -

I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin

Well, BNCOC is over and done with (Phase 1, anyway). I had the second highest average in my class of 84. The NCOA separately recognized those who "Exceeded Course Standards" - the top 20% - which was nice. I was surprised how many members of the brigade came to see the graduation (out of the 84 in my class, probably a quarter of them were from my brigade). The CPT came and took photos, that was pretty cool. And afterward she and the LTC from my office took me out to lunch. I was surprised and touched that he even came to the graduation - he never, never goes to brigade functions. So it was nice.

So what are my upcoming plans?

1. Combatives Phase 1 next week. Since we don't have a unit for like 6 weeks, the CPT signed us up. It gets us out of HQ for awhile, and soon Phase 1 is going to be required of everyone, so why not?

2. Finishing my footlocker. A few years ago, I saved an old WWII footlocker that was destined for the trash. It had belonged to my grandfather's second wife's first husband (haha, we're not from West Virginia, I swear) who had been in the Army. It got passed around and eventually my dad ended up with it. And then the trash was going to end up with it. So I saved it (because I have an extreme, unnatural fondness for boxes/chests/trunks) and started repainting it, like, 2 years ago. Recently I've been feeling craft-y again, so yesterday I dug it out and started working on it again.

I'm not restoring it per se (a professional would probably say I'm ruining it, actually) but rather repainting and revitalizing. For example, instead of sanding the rust off and polishing the original metal fixings, I'm just painting over them with metal-colored paint. I plan to adorn it with old stamps/postcards/travel stickers (lots of antique places down here), attach some short legs to the bottom, and repurpose it as a coffee table. It'll be kind of quirky, but then so is my entire house. :)

I'll have to post photos when I'm done, but this foot locker is close to what it looks like now. The metal is on mine is slightly different at the corners, and mine has no writing on it (or maybe it wore off at some point). Also mine is in significantly worse condition.

3. Vegetable garden. This is more of Tree's project than mine, but this weekend we're going to tear up the existing horror show "garden" and replace it with some tomatoes and maybe a few other things. I have, like, the exact opposite of a green thumb, so I'm going to let him take the lead on this one. Although I would like to have some flowers out there, too. He can pick them out. I'll just help dig holes, or whatever. Also I want some pumpkins.

4. Nap. Sounds like a great idea! I'll finish this later. Maybe.

"one drink ain't enough, Jack

you better make it three"

- George Thorogood & The Destroyers "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" -