off through the new day's mist I run

What's that? you ask?

That. Is a Yard Monster.

Tree and I pulled it from its nest in the pine trees along the side of our back yard with the weird vampire neighbors (the other side has the cool neighbors who invited us to their cookout on the 4th of July). Actually, I'm not 100% sure they are vampires, but since I've yet to see any of them in the 8 months that we've lived here, I can only assume. I do know they own a small dog, though, who is sometimes out on their deck, so I guess they must not be the dog-eating kind. Unless the dog is the only one living there. In that case, bravo on teaching yourself to drive to the store to get dog food. Unless the dog ate the neighbors. Yikes...

Getting off topic. So the Yard Monster was a huge snarly viney grapey thing that was strangling like 4 trees to death. Plus it was a terrible eyesore. Tree brought home some pruning shears and we hacked and yanked and untangled and cursed for the better part of two afternoons - and there's still some left. Unfortunately, the previous occupants of our house (technically still the current owners as we are mere renters) never tried to cut the thing back. And obviously the next-door vampires/dog didn't do it either. In fact, the type of fence that separates that section of our yards (there are two different kinds of fencing on that side... sigh...) is such that I suspect the wild grape debacle was no accident.

But that part of the yard is definately coming along. We're going to pick up some blueberry bushes tomorrow and get them planted hopefully tomorrow afternoon, if the weather is ok. It's been raining something awful lately. One of our tomato plants (we only had 3) was killed in the vicious storm we had the other night. Luckily everything else was unharmed. The squash/zucchini/pepper plants are all doing fine, giving us a pretty decent return. Again, we didn't plant much because it's only the two of us here and this was our first garden, but I'm impressed! And we have so many great ideas for next year. The blueberry bushes we're planting tomorrow won't give us much, if anything, this season, but it will be nice to have berries next year. And they'll be covering up the nakedness created when we took out all the wild grape vines - the vampires' yard is overgrown, filled with junk, and just horrible, and I'd rather not have to look at it.

That was kind of snobby. :P

Well, that's pretty much it for now. Two days left of leave, then back to work. More stuff to do outside before I'm satisfied. We've got the cookout to plan for, and I know it's early, but I'm already gearing up for Halloween. And there are a whole list of recipes I want to try while we can take advantage of these fresh summer vegetables. Busy busy busy.

---

Side note: Tree was featured on My Sleeping Husband! (shhhh, he doesn't know) Go on over and take a peek.

"so seek the wolf in thyself..."

- Metallica "Of Wolf and Man" -

and I ain't got no worries 'cause I ain't in no hurry at all

Haven't posted in awhile - I didn't realize it, but I needed to take a break and decompress. I'm currently on leave from work (day 8 of 12) and am feeling much, much better. I don't really want to get too much into it (I always say that, don't I?) so I won't, and instead look to better things and what has been nourishing me lately.

A quick rundown (I hate these lists):

- Tree's homemade lemonade, the best lemonade I have EVER tasted

- pulling vines/weeds/yard monsters out of the trees and lawn, and envisioning what a beautiful, welcoming space we will have once we're done

- picking and eating fresh tomatoes, summer squash, zucchini, and green peppers that Tree grew in our backyard

- visiting local farm stands and buying corn, blue berries, and carrots

- planning for Halloween (some projects I plan to try are a few sinister-looking Witch Jars for out on the porch and a whimsical, kid-friendly Witch's Cauldron for the front entryway - there are a lot of small children in my neighborhood...)

- continuing the process to purchase this lovely house that Jack built (despite its issues quirks - or perhaps because of - I am head over heels for this house)

- oh! and getting ready for the superawesome summer cookout we're having at the end of August; I can't wait to have everyone I care about, together, at our home

I guess that's really it! You could say I've done a whole lot of nothing on these days off, but sometimes it's the nothing that refreshes you to take on anything.

"well, if it rains, I don't care,

don't make no difference to me"

- The Doobie Brothers "Black Water" -

cause I'm alive, so alive now

[untitled] by: Garden Variety Photographer

"I wanna run through your wicked garden,

heard that's the place to find you..."

- Stone Temple Pilots "Wicked Garden" -

I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run

I really don't want to get into the whole knock-down-drag-out horrible thing, but here's a (kind of too long) summary (I'll try to be as impartial as I can but honestly, I'm still fuming) of my mindblowing (not in a good way) weekend:

Our entire purpose for going home this particular weekend (last weekend) was to attend my friend Julaaay's wedding Saturday evening. Julaaay and I worked together at Shaw's for several years and now only sporadically keep it touch, but I still consider her a friend. Anyway, we received the invitation for her wedding and RSVP'd several months ago (as in, this was not a spontaneous decision to go to the wedding).

Saturday was also the date of Tree's mother's big summer cookout/graduation party for her fiance's daughter, who recently completed hairdresser school. Tree's mother knew we had this wedding to go to when she planned her cookout.

So Saturday morning we went to Tree's mother's house to spend a little time with her while she got ready for the cookout. We called on our way over to see what she wanted for breakfast (bagels and coffee, also some for her fiance's daughter, who didn't even acknowledge our presence, much less thank us for bringing her breakfast... but I digress) and took it to her as she was getting ready for the day. We ate, chatted, said goodbye. The understand was, as we drove away, that we would stop by her cookout after the wedding was over. She knew the wedding started at 5 pm.

(Full disclosure: she also trimmed my hair a little, at her house, to fix a mistake the last hairdresser had made... which really just led to another mistake: allowing myself to become indebted to her by letting her trim my hair. Next time I'll stick with the shitty cut.)

We got dressed, met up with Yoshi and Sharty, drove to the wedding. It was beautiful, Julaaay looked like a princess, and it was really nice to spend time with the old Shaw's crew. I missed them more than I'd realized.

But everything kind of took a long time. After they were married, the guests enjoyed a cocktail hour while the official party posed for photographs. Then we went upstairs to the reception hall, the official party was introduced ("...and for the first time in public, Mr. and Mrs..."), the bride and groom's first dance, and so one. It wasn't until 7:30 when we were first being served the meal. Then the best man/maid of honor toasts, then cake cutting... then the bride's dance with her father, the groom's dance with his mother, the throwing of the bouquet and the taking-off-of-the-garter thing. Then dollar dances with the bride/groom, a conga line (!!) and so on and so on. It took awhile. And even after the "traditional" part of all of it, I was having a nice time dancing with my sister and Shaw's friends. But could you really just get up and leave in the middle of it? Oh look at me, getting ahead of myself.

So Tree's mother screams at him over the phone while we're still at the wedding (it was right after the food was served), freaking out that we weren't at her cookout yet. I guess she expected us to split the night between the two events? I don't really know because (a) she talked to Tree, not me, (b) Tree had actually been talking to his brother when she took the phone and started yelling, and (c) was evidently really drunk. At least, that's what everyone keeps telling me (like it's an excuse?). She went on about how important the cookout was to her, how important it was to her that we be there, and how she feels blown off because we weren't there already.

That left Tree in a shitty mood for the rest of the wedding, so thanks! I didn't really get to enjoy my night, either.

Before it got out of control and while I was still only mildly annoyed at her reaction to Tree and me ATTENDING A WEDDING WE'D PLANNED ON FOR MONTHS, I texted her to apologize that the wedding was running later than expected. I tried to call also, but both went unanswered. She also stopped taking Tree's calls, so when we got out of the wedding (around 10:45 pm) Tree texted his brother to see if anyone was still at the cookout and to let him know we were on our way (we first had to drop off Yoshi and Sharty).

His brother texted back that we shouldn't bother because their mother was "really mad" and that it would just "be a big scene." So I'm sure we were the talk of the stupid cookout. Whatever.

The next day Tree tried to call her to talk it out, she initially didn't want to take his call, finally talked to him. He drove over to her house (alone) and tried to explain how unreasonable it was for her to get upset when she knew we had the late wedding and we told her still stop by afterward but that it would be late. We even offered to go to eat with her Sunday night to make up for it (not that it was our fault, but just to smooth things over) but no, the cookout was "really important" and blah blah. She also told him we only call her when we need something (an unshakable desire to... bring her breakfast?) and that she feels like we put her on the back burner by not making time to go see her the way we do Tree's dad and my parents/sister. (Except Tree's dad and my parents/sister don't try to guilt us into breaking plans with other people to spend time with them.)

I just can't fucking win. We went to go see her before the cookout and offered swing by both after the cookout and the following evening to make up for missing the bulk of the cookout. Not good enough.

I understand she wants to spend time with us, especially since we've moved and aren't in MA very often, but she's going about it ENTIRELY the wrong way. Behaving like this just makes me want to go see her less, because now the next time we are there it's going to be awkward, and I just don't feel like being in that situation. I'm really too old for the drama.

So now we get to be the bad guys with everyone because we "blew her off." My life is fucking amazing.

That was an inappropriately long "summary." Well, I don't care. Suck it.

"you tied my lead and pulled my chain

to watch my blood begin to boil"

- Johnny Cash "Rusty Cage" -

anyone can see my every flaw

Time for some early-summer reflecting...

So, a new baby and a new kitten - can you guess which one was a bigger deal?

I was perhaps a bit untruthful in my previous post when I said the kitten was to comfort Tree when my niece arrived; I find the little guy is comforting me as well. I won't lie and say a part of me feels left out of all the (fun?). My mom tells me about the adorable little booties she found in the attic that Yoshi and I used to wear. Yoshi wearily repeats her future M-I-L's most recent crazy declaration ("I would never tell my child Santa didn't exist, no matter how old they were. I would tell them Santa used to exist but that now he doesn't."). But then she has to go - The Little One needs to eat/be changed. Suddenly my artful arrangement of candles on my dining room table doesn't seem so captivating.

But quite honestly, I rationally don't want kids, like, full-time, if that makes sense. Like, today, I was searching for summer craft ideas online (more on this another time) and came across all sorts of cute things to make with a child. I was looking for more adult and permanent crafts, but the felt jungle and puppet theater made me a little sad. I would like little hands to help me cut the felt or pick out fabric! And I'd like my crafts to have some use, unlike the endless "good ideas" I've had (hand painted/stamped stone magnets, my WWII service trunk, handmade notecards, you can even throw Athena's in here...) that were superexciting for all of 5 minutes.

Wow, rereading, I kind of got away from what I was trying to say in that last paragraph. What I meant was, it would be great to help a child assemble a puppet theater, watch them put on a show or two (guess I'd have to help them make puppets, too), and then have them leave my house. Oh, but that's possible now that I'm an aunt, you say? Except I live 4 (or up to 7, depending on the hellish traffic jam that is the George Washington Bridge) hours away. And yes, Tree and I have talked about moving back home to be closer to family, but I was really unhappy in Massachusetts, and I don't want all my (adult) life decisions to be based on other's people's happiness while sacrificing my own (our own?). You know? My family is (I guess?) happy in MA, and who knows, maybe someday I'll want to return, but not right now.

Kind of getting off-topic again. Fuck! Anyway, maybe I could just volunteer at a preschool or a YMCA or something. Otherwise I fear I'm going to get overwhelmed by all the cool things I'm (missing out on?). Because I honestly do feel like I'm being left behind... I'll be 24 next month and Tree will be 26 in December...

TL;DR I'm torn on the whole "having a kid" thing. Fuck.

"I don't feel the way I've ever felt,

I know

I'm gonna smile and not get worried,

I try but it shows"

- Jimmy Eat World "Pain" -

I'm melting (I'm melting) like hot candle wax

So - I've been absent for a few days, I know, but really - VERY BUSY. (Update: I actually started typing this post three days ago)

And though I hate having to post an update list (boring?), here we go:

- To lessen the blow of my niece's upcoming birth, I let Tree get a kitten. Actually, that's a lie. We were at PetSmart to pick up some litter and the foster/adoption people were there - cats and kittens and puppies galore. Tree wanted to go check them out, and when one of the adoption ladies asked us if we were considering adopting or just visiting, Tree said, "Oh, both?" and I knew, fuck, I'm coming home with a cat.

I resisted getting a kitten because I know older cats are harder to get adopted and I really wanted to be able to help one of them, but after talking with the adoption people, they convinced us a kitten would be easier to introduce to our two possessive adult cats. And the adoption/foster folks don't destroy any of the animals, they assured me. So we came home with a little spunky ball of energy that went nameless for a few days, but is now Fiyero. I'll post some pics when he sits still long enough...

- Now that it's been warmer and every few days there is a full one without rain, Tree (aka Crash Bandicoot) and I have been spending more time working on the house. I started digging out some of our decoration-type things (still in boxes from when we moved here... last November...) and Tree has his garden. Today we pulled out these weird and horrible weed/tree things growing along the edge of our "beach" on the lake. It's really only like 2 feet of wet sand, but it was getting overrun by rooty plants that are obnoxious to pull up. We also re-staked the tomatoes, took stock of growing pumpkins (three so far!) and pulled weeds growing among the pepper plants. We've also been talking about all the things we want to do with the yard... it's a good sized one and there are a TON of weirdo plants the previous owners planted without rhyme or reason.

- And the best thing - a little niece!! She was born the 25th at 8:30 pm, 7 lbs and 4 oz. Tree and I made it up there in time to wish my sister Yoshi luck before the big moment. And a short time later, there she was (even though the bitchy nurses were kicking us out of the hospital)! She is so beautiful, I can't even tell you. I know everyone says that about babies they care about while everyone else looking at the baby thinks it looks like an alien (just kidding?), but this baby is freaking adorable.

Gah, I'm fucking exhausted. This post pretty much sucks but I don't want to come back to it later, so there ya go. I'll try harder next time. 'Night.

"lovely is the feelin now

I won't be complainin"

- Michael Jackson "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" -

I'm a high life flyer and a rainbow rider

It has been raining for the last 3 million years. So far this is the worst summer I have ever had.

I got talked into going to a concert tomorrow morning in Manhattan (at the Intrepid) so look for me - it will be played on the CBS Early Show. I'm sure the cameras will pan the audience a few times. What concert, you ask? Earth, Wind and Fire will be performing, also Chicago (the band, not the musical, unfortunately). I can't name a single song by either. Also we are leaving from Dix at an ungodly early hour to make it to NY in time.

Yeah, those two groups on the USS Intrepid on the CBS Early Show with military members in the audience randomly in the middle of June doesn't make any sense to me, either.

Which just reminded me! Tomorrow is Juneteenth. A special thanks to Old Navy (my friend from Iraq, not the company with the creepy talking mannequins) for educating me on such an important historical event. White girls from the northeast don't find this stuff in their history books. Also the "John Waters" mustache. I'd never heard of that, either.

Wow, this post is literally about nothing. I'm going to go eat something (ran out of hot dogs, though...).

"and he always had some mighty fine wine"

- Three Dog Night "Joy to the World" -

'cause it takes me where I can't find...

So Tree will be home on Sunday (though I might end up meeting him in MA if the baby comes early!!), exciting, right? Well, I'm excited. I haven't had a good night's sleep in two weeks, nor have I eaten a decent dinner. For the past three nights I have had soy hot dogs. Now I'm so sick of them that I think they are ruined for me forever (joins root beer and black olives). But I literally can't bring myself to try making something else. I can make pasta and sauce, but that's about it really. I'd be like the worst housewife ever - like Peg on Married With Children. Good thing Tree (mostly) doesn't mind doing all the cooking.

What am I good at? Bullshitting, spending money, and making impulsive decisions. I'm actually supergood at these things. Also good at planning (though not so good at executing, hence the impulsive decisions).

But it's ok! Tree sends checks out for the bills and buys groceries, and I make sure we have awesome throw pillows and plenty of orchids. I can talk my way out of any problem/issue we are faced with and Tree reminds me of the value of being nice. Then sometimes he's too nice and I have to kick some ass. He agonizes and procrastinates and talks and talks and talks about doing something and then one day while he's at work I just do it without telling him. He's grounded and more rational but I keep things interesting (and way fun... mostly). He takes the cats to the vet/groomer as needed and I feed (wild) ducks and geese out on the lake (the cats adore him and kind of just tolerate me). He cleans the litter box and I do all the laundry (I even pair all his socks). I spontaneously spent $240 on my new haircut when he left for AT, and he asked me if it was ok to spend $89 to buy us a lawnmower.

It's kind of fucked up but hey, it works.

"I wonder which cup you'll drink from...

I hope it's mine"

- The Verve "Slide Away" -

got my whole life ahead; hell, I'm just a kid myself

So I was at the Acme this afternoon and saw a bunch of baby-things that were in the clearance section. I called my sister to see what she still needed (less than 2 weeks!!!) and she told me what colors, sizes she preferred.

On my way home, I was thinking about the cashier, who looked at the replacement valves for the spill-proof cups I'd also picked out and remarked that she had no idea what they were. I'd laughed and shrugged - I had no idea what they were either, they were just hanging next to the cups and the package said they were for them so I just grabbed some.

Yeah, they are little white snappy things that go into the lid of the cups. It had never occurred to me that those cups would have replaceable valves, much less that replaceable valves in kid cups even existed. The whole concept was foreign to me because it wasn't really my business. I saw the cups and valves and they were for babies and were brightly colored so I bought them.

So that was kind of sad to realize, that I knew nothing about something as trivial as baby cups (or toddler cups, really), and if it were not for my sister, they never would have even appeared on my radar. I just don't care enough on my own to learn.

I tell people all the time that I'm never having kids and I'm approximately 75% serious. But what if I don't even have any maternal instinct, what if I really shouldn't have kids, even if I wanted some. I mean, I can't even bring myself to try to understand the workings of a baby cup. I also have no idea how diapers go on, when is too young to let a baby use scissors, or what to do when a baby I'm holding starts crying/throwing up (generally I try to avoid holding babies to begin with - "Yes, your baby is adorable, I just don't want to touch it, smell it, or in general be near it.") I am going to have to get familiar with some of these things for my sister, but otherwise, would I even care?

Babies give me the willies.

"all he could see were his dreams goin' up in smoke

so much for ditching this town and hanging out on the coast"

- Kenney Chesney "There Goes My Life" -

I don't know your fucking name

So, I pretty much despise sleeping in an empty, silent house with one whole wall and half of another made of glass. I put two knives and a riot baton next to me under Tree's pillow, another knife in the bathroom (it's only the best place to get killed by a scary guy with a knife/gun/chainsaw, duh). I put my cell on the nightstand and the house phone in the bathroom (to call for halp!) and finally uneasily fell asleep with the light on and the television on silent.

Ok, so I'm a huge wuss. Whatever. This house is supercreepy at night when there's no one else here.

Oh and I just got a text from Angel's son saying "I will kill u jk"

Hence, the knives in my bed.

---

16 days until Tree gets home :(

"all day I dream about sex, yes

all day I dream about sex"

- Korn "A.D.I.D.A.S." -

I'll start this off without any words

So... Tree left this afternoon for his two weeks of sitting around AT and already I'm lonely.

He went grocery shopping before he left and made sure the kitchen was stocked with things I can actually make (read: a lot of pasta), so that was nice. He also vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen until it sparkled (!!) and mowed the lawn. I looked around for a sweet note he might have left for me before he left, but no such luck. Ah, no one's perfect.

The next two weeks are going to suck.

Oh and it's raining monsooning and the Commander's Golf Cup that was supposed to be tomorrow has been cancelled (lost my excuse to wear a skirt to work!) and the stupid Dining Out is Saturday and the CPT talked me into driving to her house (an hour away) tomorrow night so we can go buy dresses at the outlets (30 more minutes away). Just what I wanted to do. "Oh but you can stay overnight at my house." Yeah, probably not.

I'm just a big complainer tonight, eh? But what the fuck, I'm entitled.

.....FINE. What else should we talk about?

Well, I rediscovered my love for The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. One of my cats excaped from the porch today and was joyously eating grass next to the garden when I found him. My dad is getting here the day after tomorrow. Last week I created a brochure for the brigade FRG because (a) I was bored and (b) they needed one and besides, (c) I have Adobe Creative Suite on my computer - this later turned into a huge fucking deal that I made the brochure and not the civilian who's the full time FRG person and she really got into trouble for not creating it herself even though (a) she never asked me to do it and (b) it was really no trouble at all... and I felt bad (but the brochure came out really cool and everyone loved it and I'm happy they are still going to use it).

The leftover burrito I had for dinner was superdelicious. One of my orchids died (I think). I'm totally ditching out on PT tomorrow. It's still raining (sounds kinda nice on the skylights).

And my nails are still perfect, in case you were wondering. :/

---

17 days until Tree gets home. :(

"I got so high, I scratched til I bled"

- Nirvana "On a Plain" -

sometimes I'm right, and I can be wrong

The nail protein I bought made my nails fucking beautiful. I'm getting a haircut next week (shhh, it's a secret!) that will be gorgeous. My skin is pretty clear. The eczema on my leg finally healed. I mastered tweezing my own eyebrows. I found a lip gloss that actually looks good on me. I redecorated the dining room (flashy and fashionable) and picked out the patio furniture (serene and comfy). Our cats love me and my Class A skirt fits. I'm good at things.

After seeing it referenced in like eleventy billion places (gossip blogs to CNN to People), I gave into the hype and watched the encore showing of the season 5 premier of Jon and Kate Plus 8 on TLC. And it was actually pretty interesting. I kept waiting for the moment where I realize she's the übercunt everyone thinks she is. It never came. Everyone hates Kate (seriously, Google her and take a look) but I think she's, well - stressed, angry, breezy but scared, driven, strong but bitchy. 

I think Kate is me. :|

My toe is still broken (or something) and now my right arm is fucked up. I pinched a nerve (or something) and I can't fold it up to my chest (as if I were doing curls with a free weight) without causing a spasm and a sharp, electric pain in my forearm.

I got into a huge fight with Tree last night over stupid, stupid shit. I was so angry over, seriously, nothing, and he was just whiny and intolerable. I hate his fucking XBox. He did nothing but play Call of Duty until he had to go to work. I sent him pissy texts all afternoon and then didn't answer the phone when he called. He had to work until 10 and I went to bed before him and made him sleep in the spare room. 

I'm just a normal fucking person and I happen to have great nails and my porch is awesome and so what? Nothing will ever be perfect. Some days are going to suck. I'm going to sometimes make mistakes and screw up and that's ok. I need to stop feeling like I'm not living up to my own life's hype. I'm not perfect. I'm just a regular person trying to navigate through this experience, doing the best I can, one moment at a time.

"the butcher, the baker, the drummer and then -

makes no difference what group I'm in"

- Sly and the Family Stone "Everyday People" -

man there's so many times I don't know what I'm doing

TO DO (for real, y'all):

- set up meeting with NJ ARNG recruiter [today][Wednesday]

- contact 444th directly [today][Wednesday]

- order 26th MEB insignia for my Class As

- buy my dad's ticket - !! [today]

- check back on BNCOC phase 2 status in ATRRS [by Friday]

- mail more checks to the property manager [tomorrow]

- oil change [by Friday]

- finish Soldier of the Year story [today]

- plane ticket for this weekend? [today/tomorrow]

- call real estate agent [by Friday]

- ???

- Profit

It's going to be a busy week. :/

Also, somewhat related - I tried on the skirt yesterday and whaddaya know, it fits. From now on I'm blaming all fashion mishaps on my period. (gross)

"if she can find daylight

then she'll be alright"

- Rob Thomas "Her Diamonds" -

this is pouring rain

This Memorial Day I am remembering Air Force Staff Sgt. Chris Frost. A combat journalist working for one of our subordinate commands in theatre, Multi-National Security Transition Command - Iraq (MNSTC-I), Chris had essentially the same job I did; he facilitated responses to media queries, coordinated interviews/media visits in country, and covered the ongoing Iraqi-Coalition partnership (he got to do this far more often than I did). Reporters in Baghdad thought highly of him. He and I had corresponded through email for several months, mostly passing requests to each other as the reporters often contacted the wrong public affairs staff. I finally met him in person at a press conference in early 2008, where he suggested the group of us enlisted PAOs meet at the Green Bean inside the Embassy sometime for coffee and to swap stories.

A month or so later, I traveled to Landstuhl for a few days for an unexpected mission. I checked my email from my room the night before I was to return to Iraq and opened an email from a friend still in Baghdad. Chris had been killed in a helicopter accident along with 7 Iraqi airmen March 3.

He had one month left of his deployment. He was 24. 

Immediate Release

No. 0181-08

March 5, 208

DoD Identifies Air Force Casualty

The Department of Defense announced today the death of an airman who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Staff Sgt. Christopher S. Frost, 24, of Waukesha, WI., died March 3 near Bayji, Iraq in a crash of an Iraqi MI-17 helicopter. He was assigned to the 377th Air Base Wing, Kirtland Air Force Base, N.M

You can see some of his photography and read his deployment blog here.

You're still in my thoughts, Chris. I'm so sorry.

"it's the sound of the unlocking

and the lift away"

- Bon Iver "Re: Stacks" -

life in plastic, it's fantastic

So, I was four days late and I was starting to be like, fuck. I'd heard pregnancies are contagious (my sister is due in a little over a month) but come on, I don't even want one a little bit.

But then yesterday, first thing in the morning, the world was right again. :) Except now I want to carve my ovaries out with big knife. :(

Also, the stupid Dining Out is in just over two weeks, and I have to lose 10 lbs. Maybe just 5. But still. My dad is going to be my date so I'm sure he doesn't care either way, but I care, damnit. I want to be the prettiest princess at the ball.

The ice cream truck is on my street right now as I type this. Someone is smiting me.

This post sucks. :/

"I'm a blonde little girl

in a fantasy world"

- Aqua "Barbie Girl" -

she took the midnight train goin anywhere

So... a FRAGO?

1. Not going to combatives - too many events we have been ordered to take photos at invited to, so we will have to put this off. What I really suspect is that we're going to have to attend the class one at a time while the other covers down on the office. The CPT thinks it will work out so we go together. We'll see.

2. What was 2? Oh yeah, my footlocker. No changes here.

3. Vegetable garden will hopefully be planted this weekend (or at least we'll have the area dug out). At the advice of a trusted Gardeness, we're planting a few tomato plants, some zucchini (I just had to look up the spelling = embarrassing) and summer squash, some peppers, and perhaps a pumpkin vine or three. I'm also going to buy a gnome for luck and to watch over the garden. Cause gnomes are the shit.

4. Nap. Yes.

***Some additional changes... (or perhaps just the continuation that I never got around to)

5. My home unit/state SUCKS DICK and individuals I thought were looking out for me (namely, V) are decidedly not. Also there has to be some unspoken agreement that Soldiers serving on Title 10 orders outside the state don't fucking matter and should be passed over for promotions/etc. Today I was basically told to "calm down" about wanting to get promoted (I'm already over a year behind my peers) . "You'll get there eventually. Look at me, I've been sitting at [this rank] for forever." The person who told me this is also supposedly taking the only slot for me to get promoted. Yet he's not MOSQ, and won't be until the fall, and thus won't be eligible for promotion until next spring when the new list comes out. So essentially, that vacant slot, which I am currently eligible for, is going to sit vacant for a year until this other individual is eligible. Wow, sounds a lot like what happened to me last time.*

I'm not even going to fuck around with an IG complaint this time. While yes, it would be valid, and I'd probably win and get the slot, once you file a complaint, you are silently labled a problem Soldier. Speak out against the man or the system and you're a shitbag, you're fucked. I know because I already lived it, 3 years ago. Besides, I need to confirm that this individual really is getting that slot. I'm going to call my commander back home early next week and see what he says.

So in the meantime, I called the NJ ARNG today and spoke to a recruiter. There are two available E6 slots in NJ for my MOS. She said the fact that I'm on Title 10 orders is not a problem (in other words, they won't try to recall me early) and that I'll just have to turn my TA 50 back in to my state. No problem. She said all the interstate transfer stuff will be handled on her end and that I don't even need to contact my state if I choose not to. I'm going to meet with her in person next week because I want to see everything in writing (I'm not stupid).*

6. Maybe buying the house, but the above situation is already affecting a decision I thought was a done deal. If we commit to the purchase, I only have guaranteed income until July 2010 (leaving the MA ARNG means losing my military technician job at the MA JFHQ). But I've been wanting more and more recently to go back to school (for real this time), so maybe I'll just collect benefits, go to class, and not worry about a job? This will require more research. It will also be dependent on what state I end up in as NG education benefits are different in each state.

7. Or I could just say Fuck It All and switch to the Army Reserve. I kind of think this is the best course of action... there are many more available full-time positions for Reserves that aren't for NG Soldiers. I could easily get a position at the schoolhouse on Fort Meade, at the NCOA here on Dix (they asked me to stay), and I know for a fact there are drill sergeant units in the Reserves that spend their ATs at basic training posts. Look, there are 3 things I'd like to do in the future, all available for me if I switch components. In fact, now that I just typed that, I think I'll call a Reserve recruiter on Monday.*

Why does everything have to be so hard?

*Please, if you are one of those people who knows what/who I'm talking about, don't spread this around. I don't want to jeopardize my move to NJ/the Reserves. Thanks for your understanding.

"oh, the movie never ends

it goes on and on and on and on"

- Journey "Don't Stop Believin" -

I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin

Well, BNCOC is over and done with (Phase 1, anyway). I had the second highest average in my class of 84. The NCOA separately recognized those who "Exceeded Course Standards" - the top 20% - which was nice. I was surprised how many members of the brigade came to see the graduation (out of the 84 in my class, probably a quarter of them were from my brigade). The CPT came and took photos, that was pretty cool. And afterward she and the LTC from my office took me out to lunch. I was surprised and touched that he even came to the graduation - he never, never goes to brigade functions. So it was nice.

So what are my upcoming plans?

1. Combatives Phase 1 next week. Since we don't have a unit for like 6 weeks, the CPT signed us up. It gets us out of HQ for awhile, and soon Phase 1 is going to be required of everyone, so why not?

2. Finishing my footlocker. A few years ago, I saved an old WWII footlocker that was destined for the trash. It had belonged to my grandfather's second wife's first husband (haha, we're not from West Virginia, I swear) who had been in the Army. It got passed around and eventually my dad ended up with it. And then the trash was going to end up with it. So I saved it (because I have an extreme, unnatural fondness for boxes/chests/trunks) and started repainting it, like, 2 years ago. Recently I've been feeling craft-y again, so yesterday I dug it out and started working on it again.

I'm not restoring it per se (a professional would probably say I'm ruining it, actually) but rather repainting and revitalizing. For example, instead of sanding the rust off and polishing the original metal fixings, I'm just painting over them with metal-colored paint. I plan to adorn it with old stamps/postcards/travel stickers (lots of antique places down here), attach some short legs to the bottom, and repurpose it as a coffee table. It'll be kind of quirky, but then so is my entire house. :)

I'll have to post photos when I'm done, but this foot locker is close to what it looks like now. The metal is on mine is slightly different at the corners, and mine has no writing on it (or maybe it wore off at some point). Also mine is in significantly worse condition.

3. Vegetable garden. This is more of Tree's project than mine, but this weekend we're going to tear up the existing horror show "garden" and replace it with some tomatoes and maybe a few other things. I have, like, the exact opposite of a green thumb, so I'm going to let him take the lead on this one. Although I would like to have some flowers out there, too. He can pick them out. I'll just help dig holes, or whatever. Also I want some pumpkins.

4. Nap. Sounds like a great idea! I'll finish this later. Maybe.

"one drink ain't enough, Jack

you better make it three"

- George Thorogood & The Destroyers "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" -

there are things that drift away, like our endless, numbered days

BNCOC, Day 2

Up at 0530 (I stayed at the NCOA last night, since Tree is still at drill), feeling stiff and foggy.

FREEZING FUCKING SHOWER.

Got dressed, stood in formation, ate chow.

"Do Not Sexually Harrass Your Buddy" (the opposite of "Make Your Buddy Smile" ?)

"Why the FRG is awesome"

There was one other class on referring help to Soldiers who are considering/threatening suicide... then I got home and realized what day it is...

I think of you all the time, Mr. Yamaha. It's been two years today, but the pain and shock is still fresh. I hate you for what you did, and I hate you for never giving me the chance to repair the rift that formed between us (I'll admit, I was a huge bitch that night in your driveway), because maybe I could have been there for you. You could have called me. You're such an asshole, but I love you, and I miss you, and it's aways going to haunt me the way everything happened. If you're up there, out there, somewhere and can hear me, I'm sorry. Rest in peace, my friend.

Oh, and I'm probably not going to create a post for every day of BNCOC. Every day is pretty much going to be exactly the same, and since I'm fairly certain I'm the only one reading these posts...

Catch you all in two weeks. Unless something wicked crazy/weird/exciting happens. Doubt it.

"there are things we can't recall,

blind as night that finds us all"

- Iron and Wine "Passing Afternoon" -

she should have had more time to spend

BNCOC, Day 1

Woke up at 0330 to quickly shower and get into PTs. Tree was flying out to MA this morning for drill, so I slept at home last night, which is technically not allowed, but whatever. Gave him a smooch goodbye and drove back to the NCO Academy to formally in process.

Height/weight, filled out some forms, gave a copy of my orders to, like, everyone.

Yelled 'hooah' a bunch of times to prove how motivated we are (this seems questionable).

Finished with two hours before the first class, so drove back home to say goodbye again. More smooches.

Tree left. I took a nap.

Back in the car, back to the NCOA.

More in-briefs ("You will only smoke in the designated smoking area, sergeants." "Don't let me catch you on your cell phone in the hallways, sergeants." "You will eat chow at every meal, sergeants. Can I get a hooah?" And so on.).

Lunch. Nothing there for a poor veggie like me except the standard shitty Army salad bar. Yay. (I am going to waste away to nothing by the end of this class)

Back to the classroom. Sang The Army Song (why??? why must I do this at every freaking school???)

"What Makes an Army Leader." Or something.

"How to Stop Your Soldiers From Raping People and What to Say to Soldiers Who Have Been Raped." (aka, "The Same Crappy Video You've Seen a Hundred Times Already to the Point Where You Know Who Rapes Who Before The Scenarios Even Start: Squad Leader/SPC, Male Soldier/Female Soldier, Female CPT/Male 1LT, Husband/Wife, Soldier/15 Year Old Hussy, Male Soldier/Male Soldier.")

Dinner. Same salad as lunch.

Drove home, called Tree, ate leftover pizza, watched the episode of The Office that I missed last night.

Typed this post.

Blech. Day 1 and I'm already sick of it.

"she should have made her mother proud

she should have stood out in the crowd"

- Nirvana "Been a Son" -

run around the same old town

So I started BNCOC today - actually, it was just the report day; classes formally begin tomorrow. I'm really... nervous? I don't know. I've known I'd be going to this class for probably two months now (that's about when I requested a slot), but then that was it, there it went to the back of my mind, and here I went, on with my business.

Then this morning, when I reported to the NCO Academy to sign in, the cadre was walking around addressing us collectively as "sergeants," as in, "Sergeants, once you get your linen, bring it up to your rooms and then come back, hooah?" And it was like, Ohhhh shit, it's textbook Army time.

Because HHB isn't textbook Army, it's not even close. By textbook, I mean, addressing people by rank and last name, standing at parade rest every once in awhile, marching if you're in groups larger than 3. You know, the kind of things that are technically correct but get dropped off after you've been together for awhile. At least, that has been my experience. The 65th (my home unit) is about as un-military as you can get without being a straight-up civilian. Think Bill Murray in Stripes.

Oh, and I had to dust off my husband's my beret for the class. I'm in the real Army again!

I'll keep you posted over my next two weeks of - fun?

"I've been first and last

look at how the time goes past

but I'm all alone at last

rolling home to you"

- Neil Young "Old Man" -